Friday, 11 March 2016

The Card!

She shuffled her cards in a manner that portrayed her inner anxious self. She placed the deck of tarot cards on the table before her. She reminded herself that it was just a simple game, and nothing much.

The world is a wide place to play.
Aren't you wise enough to be played?

She took a card from the pile.

She stared at it, for a minute. Not because she found a profound and complicated meaning behind the image in front of her. It was because she did not know the meaning of it, as she was new to the world of tarot.

Tarot cards are always painted as mysterious and as a person who loves to be a mystery to her own inner enigma, she was interested in finding more about it, and to pacify her burning enthusiasm or rather to cool down her obsession, she got herself a pack of cards. It was just a basic pack of cards, with a beautiful and bound instruction book accompanying it.

She had been reading it for quite some time. But, it hadn't been an integral part of her decision making till then.

She wanted to know about her love. Her love life, or rather her lack of it, and whether her expectations will be met. Her expectations being very simple, yet so complicated, and no where near of being met.

She found herself in love recently. Her own sweet love.

She fell in love after so many days of inner turmoil, asking herself whether it was just a crush. But, she always knew that it was something new and different.
And that was the beginning and the end of it.

You occupy my living moments,
You haunt my innocent sleep,
You fill my hunger pangs.

I wish to cross your path,
At least once a day!
I wish for you to be in
My dreams, everyday!

Do I mean something to you?
Will you answer only to me?

I have lost myself in you.
I wish for you to be mine.
So, I can be afraid of losing you!

She was very much in love. So much in love, that it was so aching.
She wanted to know about how he felt for her. But, as far as she knew, it was nothing special or what she had wanted.

She had gone through everything in her little mind, and for the life of her, she couldn't understand a thing. How can something be so unclear, and yet so demanding.

Why God, why me? Why should I fall in love? It would be a cliche to cry out like that, but she did just that!

It was during one of her sulking sessions, the pack of tarot cards fell on her eyes.
She decided to play God.

On picking up a card, she did not expect miracles to happen. For sure she did not expect a card to fly up, and say in a magical voice that he will be hers. And as expected by the audience, it did not happen too. Instead, a plain old card, which greatly resembled the others in the pack came out. One could say that she was a little disappointed with the lack of magic in the appearance of the card.

Life is a magical realm,
Portray it as a blant scene,
Paint it as a blank page,
It has its own innocent ways,
To show its magical face!

But, nevertheless, she searched for the meaning of her tarot card in the instruction book. Her heart beat faster while she read it.

You see what you want to,
You hear what you wish to,
You feel what you actually desire to!

The card meant greater things. It said that the first step should be taken boldly with the heart for accepting failures as a risk. Be the leader, and do not expect others to go first, it said.

She couldn't believe that a random card from a random pack of cards, taken so randomly would signify such a profound and clear meaning, and it was as if it was written for her.

She thought that may be she was imagining things a little too much.
Her heart refused to accept something that had been so random.
She shuffled the cards again.

She took another card, and for the life of her, she didn't imagine that she will be getting the same card! Again!

The same card, after so much shuffling!
So, what should she do?

After all, it was about her love that had been going on for months together, and it has remained unsaid until then.

Love is always sweet, as long as
It remains unsaid and unrequited.
Love actually happens only when
It has been said and returned!

She decided to go with the flow.

She decided to voice her feelings.

It could have been a random card, but it was what she wanted the most at that point in her life, and that was what she was contemplating on. She hadn't been able to take a decision. But, she was going to do it, finally!

I have never liked losing anything
But, i lost myself in you,
And i surprised myself
When i liked that!
And, if you refuse to accept,
I will be lost, forever!

And, she did not think about the 'risk of failure' the card had mentioned.

She was living her dream that day. She was not prepared to think about the consequences of her action. The soul is always so easily satisfied, and her soul was in seventh heaven, since she had decided to come out with the feelings, which had been haunting her for what looked like a millennium.

The next day, she waited for him to appear.

She had imagined a lot of scenarios in her head, and her anxiety was mounting every second she waited.

My eyes are so cruel,
They search for you every waking moment!

My heart is full of vengeance,
It fled from me, when it saw you!

My soul is so venomous,
It is always in search for you!

My breath is so undependable
It stops when it spots you!

She could see him coming from a distance. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and concentrated on what she was going to say.

The card had told her to take the lead. Of course she was ready to do it. That was the best thing to be done. What if he too had the same feelings and never had the guts to do so. Yes, that must be it, she pacified herself.

In this lost soul, lies a love,
That remains to be said
And to the person it is intended,
It remains unknown!

I pray with all my might,
To catch you in sight!
I hope to be with you forever,
Will you accept my unrequited love?

He was coming nearer.
And suddenly the words 'risk of failure' came in front of her eyes.

Wait a second.

Wait a second.

What if he didn't harbour the same feelings, and what if he was just friendly.

What if she made a fool out of herself? What will she do then?
What if she was the only one in love?

When he came in front of her, her mind went blank. Numb would be a better description.

She saw nothing and heard nothing, and after a courteous smile, both of them went in opposite directions.

What will she do if she loses even that smile of his, after her confession?

She stopped after a few steps.
Her breathing came to normal, and so was her mind.
She looked back at him.

The moment I set eyes on you,
The world goes a little slower,
Also, a little brighter,
And at that eye contact,
I am lost, forever!

She stood there deep in thought, and her mind told her that she was the only one in love. It also told her that she was acting like an idiot.
Aren't I supposed to act like an idiot in love?
And, she wished for her heart to reject the sayings of her mind.

She wished for her heart to say that her mind was wrong after all. But, surprisingly her heart decided to yield the right to remain silent. I hope that you do not remain silent forever.

Why can't the heavens be,
A little merciful?
If I am going to remember him,
For every second for the rest of my life,
What am i going to do?

The audience were also able to see something else happening, which was equally interesting. The person who just crossed her, the person to whom she so much wanted to say something, stood and looked at her too, with a face that showed anger at self, disappointment and anxiety all mixed into one.

With all my life at stake,
I am here, waiting, for eternity,
For a day, if it comes,
That will make me one,
One with you!

Only if she saw what the audiences saw or only if he knew about her tarot cards and her resolve.

But, the world doesn't work that way, does it?

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